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Funny Financial Terms Funny Business and Finance Words by David Bond

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David Bond
Entrepreneur, Writer, and Businessman

David Bond is a freelance writer for He has worked in leadership positions in both online and bricks & mortar businesses.

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Funny Financial Terms Funny Financial Terms - Article by David Bond

Below is a list of funny business and finance terms explained so that anyone can understand them. While they are meant to be humorous, there's also a lot of truth in many of them. Most of the terms have been sent in by visitors to and we would be happy to publish any funny finance terms that you have. Just contact us here and we may publish them if they make us laugh.

Advertisement: A tool used by business to get money out of people that don't have it, for something that they don't need.

Alimony: Two person mistake paid by one.

Auditor: Person that arrives after battle to finish off the wounded.

Bank: A place that will lend you money only when you don't need it.

Bear Market: Eight months when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

Broker: The person that you trust with thousands of your hard earned dollars. Hello!

Broker: What my broker has made me.

Broker: Poorer than you were last year.

Budget: Written proof that you can't afford the things you want.

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

CEO: Chief embezzlement officer.

CFO: Chief fraud officer.

Day Trader: A more socially acceptable gambling addict.

Discounted Stock: A stock that is less expensive than last month and more expensive than it will be next month.

EBIT: Earnings before irregularities and tampering.

EBITDA: Earnings before I tricked the dumb auditor.

EPS: Eventual prison sentence.

FRS: Fantasy reporting standards.

Institutional Investor: Past year investor who is now locked up in a mental institute.

Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.

Momentum Investing: the fine art of buying high and selling low.

P/E Ratio: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

Profit: A man that prays to God.

Standard and Poor (S&P): Your life in a nutshell.

Stock Analyst: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Stock Market Correction: The term your broker uses for a stock market crash.

Stock Split: When your former wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.

Value Investing: The art of buying low and selling lower.

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