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George Carlin Biography (George Denis Patrick Carlin) : American Satirist and Social Critic
Famous for : Being an outspoken social critic, satirist, comedian and actor. Carlin commented on society, big business, government, religion, and the stupidity of people.
Carlin details : Born - 12th of May, 1937 New York, USA / Died 22nd of June, 2008 United States of America

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Business Quotes by George Carlin Inspiring Quotes by Famous Comedian George Carlin

The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
George Carlin - America - Choice - Politics - Insurance - Illusion

No, there's no God, but there might be some sort of an organizing intelligence, and I think to understand it is way beyond our ability. It's certainly not a judgmental entity. It's certainly not paternalistic and all these qualities that have been attributed to God.
George Carlin - God - Intelligent - Understanding - Judgmental

I think I am, therefore I am. I think.
George Carlin - Thinking - Philosophy

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're tired.
George Carlin - Great - Age - Funny - Society

There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. It's never going to get any better. Don't look for it. Be happy with what you've got.. because the owners of this country don’t want that. I'm talking about the real owners now.. the real owners. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Forget the politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don’t. You have no choice. You have owners.
George Carlin - Education - Problems - Choice - Big Business - Society - Control - Politicians - Freedom

They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They’ve long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls. They got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. They got you by the balls. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying. Lobbying to get what they want. Well, we know what they want. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but I’ll tell you what they don’t want. They don’t want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don’t want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. They’re not interested in that. That doesn’t help them. That’s against their interests.
George Carlin - America - Stupid - Big Business - Control - Politicians - Media - Congress - News - Lobby - Billions - Greed

You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it. And now they’re coming for your Social Security money. They want your f**kin' retirement money. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street.
George Carlin - Big Business - Stupid - Society - Control - Greed - Dumb - Employee - Jobs - Retirement - Wage - Wall Street

They’ll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. It’s a big club and you ain't in it. You and I are not in the big club. By the way, it’s the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. The table is tilted, folks. The game is rigged and nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care. Good, honest, hard-working people: white collar, blue collar, it doesn’t matter what color shirt you have on.
George Carlin - Media - Greed - Belief - Thinking - Working Class - Middle Class - Ruling Class

They don’t care about you at all! At all! At all! And nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care. That’s what the owners count on. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that’s being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth. It’s called the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin - America - Dream - Big Business - Greed - Care - Ignorant - Truth

So I've been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.
George Carlin - God - Prayer - Funny - Luck - Wish

How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelet? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens.. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
George Carlin - Funny - Abortion - People - Animal - Good - Food

Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? They're all in favor of the unborn. They will do anything for the unborn. But once you're born, you're on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don't want to know about you. They don't want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. Conservatives don't give a shit about you until you reach 'military age'. Then they think you are just fine.
George Carlin - Military - Abortion - Conservative - Health - Help

Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don’t like I think you have the right to kill me.
George Carlin - Human Rights - Freedom of Speech - Kill

Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
George Carlin - America - Military - Stupid - Soldier - Death
- God - Foreign Policy - Pray - Enemies

People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
George Carlin - Life - Entertainment

Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time.. But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money!
George Carlin - Religion - Stupid - Hell - Crazy - Love - Money


Catholics and other Christians are against abortions and they're against homosexuals. Well who has less abortions than homosexuals? Leave these f**king people alone for Christ's sake. Here is an entire class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion and the Catholics and the Christians are just tossing them aside. You'd think they'd make natural allies. Go look for consistency in religion.
George Carlin - Abortion - Religion - Christians - Gay - Jesus - Funny

I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have a label. I feel that if I was figuratively dropped on the Earth and there was a political line, I would be just left of center. The difference for me is that conservatives are more interested in property values and rights and free markets, and liberals are more interested in human rights. In the end, there are people who don't fit into the marketplace and are not equipped. I believe the government should step in where the free market fails.
George Carlin - God - Conservatives - Atheist - Belief - Liberal - Free Market - Human Rights - Government

When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
George Carlin - America - Fascism - Germany - War - Deception


Quotations by George Carlin Quotations by the American Comedian and Satirist George Carlin

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