Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center.
Jon Stewart - Politicians - America

On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.
Jon Stewart - Media

President Bush announced his new economic plan. The centerpiece was a proposed repeal of the dividend tax on stocks, a boon that could be worth millions of dollars to average Americans. Well, average stock-owning Americans. Technically, Americans who own a significant amount of shares in dividend-dealing companies. Well, rich people, that's what I'm trying to say. They're going to do really well with this.
Jon Stewart - Politicians - America - President - Taxes - Rich - Stocks

Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.
Jon Stewart - Politicians - Funny - Love - Criticism

This morning, prompted by increasing concerns about terrorism, oil prices reached a record high as the cost of a barrel of crude is a whopping $44.34. Wow, it seems shocking that a product of finite supply gets more expensive the more we use it. Now the terror alert means higher oil prices, which oddly enough means higher profits for oil companies giving them more money to give to politicians whose policies may favor the oil companies such as raising the terror alert level. As Simba once told us: "It's the circle of life."
Jon Stewart - Politicians - Profits - Products - Companies

The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.
Jon Stewart - Internet

That's the beauty of our show. Comedy or politics. We're sort of a mix. A space age polymer of both. A synthetic comedy-like material.
Jon Stewart - Politicians - Funny

As long as I don't end up hosting a skin care commercial with Cher, I'm happy.
Jon Stewart - Funny - Happy

I'm doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It's a little thing called "fear of success".
Jon Stewart - Career - Fear - Success