I must confess that I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does it live? How do you hold it personally responsible? Can you put a distributed network of fiber-optic cable "on notice"? And is it male or female? In other words, can I challenge it to a fight?
Stephen Colbert - Internet - Responsible - Trust - Funny

I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
Stephen Colbert - Facts - Change - Opinions

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday.. no matter what happened Tuesday.
Stephen Colbert - Change - President - Belief - Stupid

I just feel sorry for the people who only get their news from us because they’re missing half the joke. Yes, we do a joke on what the news is, but the other half is on how the news is reported. So, if they watch the nightly news or cable news program, they’ll enjoy our show more.
Stephen Colbert - Funny - News - Enjoyment - Jokes

You have to have a passionate opinion; otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they’ve already heard.
Stephen Colbert - Opinions - Jokes - Passion

I would say there’s almost nothing that can’t be mocked on a certain level as long as it doesn’t involve loss of life or deep human tragedy. I don’t think we ever looked at something and said that’s too ridiculous to make more ridiculous. Contrary to what people may say, there’s no upper limit to stupidity. We can make everything stupider.
Stephen Colbert - Funny - Stupid

Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.
Stephen Colbert - News - Facts - Politicians - Wrong - Truth

You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut.
Stephen Colbert - Truth - Book

I stand by this man (President George W. Bush). I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound.. with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.
Stephen Colbert - Funny - President - Politicians - America - Strength - Media - Crisis

I welcome opposing viewpoints, but I should warn you that you'll be facing off against the 2nd-place finisher at the 1981 Charleston County High-School Debate Tournament. And whatever became of that county champ who argued in favor of tractor safety modifications? Last time I checked, she didn't have her own show.
Stephen Colbert - Funny - Criticism